Dry January in Caravaggio's Studio!

It’s January 1 1595 and Caravaggio is hanging out in his studio with his 'bro Mario Minniti and his 'ho Magda …. Caravaggio has decided that he’s been in enough drunken brawls, sword fights and vulgar poetry exchanges …. 1595 is going to be different, and dry! No more booze …. just water.! My cARToon …..! 

Six hours later, tempers are getting a little frayed! 

Mario's been offered some water and obviously reacts in a manner well fitting a dramatic, Caravaggio painting! Water …. Well this is the 16th C and Rome, it could be poison, in fact drinking water was universally deadly so maybe wine is a good idea! Caravaggio himself AKA Mick da sword (he was often arrested and charged for carrying a sword in public and even worse using it, this was forbidden by law in Rome). Mario is very unhappy and sees his 'bro sneaking off with some grapes. 

 Magda, Caravaggio's 'ho (no this is no insult Caravaggio hung out with prostitutes, Lena and Fillide and also used them as models for his paintings). Magda here is from a painting attributed to Caravaggio ''The ecstasy of the Magdalen'', the problem is that this painting disappeared and now there are two! 

Late afternoon and Magda is dry, bored and pining for an early evening G&T, as she starts to complain, Mick da sword reminds her that she’s only been dry for 6 hours, however he himself is starting to regret his decision to take part in dry January. Famous for his rash nature, he'd heaved out all his booze only 7 hours previously! One last hope was a bunch of grapes lying around which he was using in a still life! Going to give making some ''dry red a go!'' Well it doesn’t count …. It’s dry!

I know it’s a very disrespectful look at both dry January and Caravaggio, do I think he would mind ….. yes! He was known to destroy his work at the slightest criticism. Both friends and patrons were intimidated by his rash behaviour, nevertheless he found no difficulty in finding clients and patrons …. he was so talented. Caravaggio's sexuality is often discussed; was he a pederast? Homosexual? One argument that is offered to support this theory is his subject matter, he never once painted a female nude! Hmmmm, I've never painted a male nude, so where does that leave me? We do know that he got into fights about his female prostitute ''friends'' so I don’t know. 

I don’t like coming to conclusions based on our morals and backdating them on people and societies long gone and with artists, especially like Caravaggio who were often painting commissions, like his ''chamber pieces'' for rich clergy, the taste of his clients obviously would have to be met …. perhaps that's the background to his round faced and voluptuously-lipped boys. I find works like  Bacchus and the Lute Player very difficult to accept as his works when you look at those flat, even skinned faces compared with ''The small, ill Bacchus'' (supposedly a self-portrait), a face full of character not the flat even toned visages seen in his chamber pieces. Attributing works to Caravaggio is so difficult because he only signed one painting, so the rest is more or less guess work, or archival research. 

Michelangelo Merisi, AKA Caravaggio was volatile, rowdy, bawdy, argumentative, rash, violent and unpredictable but life with him never appears to have been boring. The dramatic nature of his personality is definitely reflected in his paintings which he worked on in the same rash and passionate manner; no sketching… live and upfront! 

He painted as he lived ….. wild.